Wednesday, September 29, 2010


So this summer has been a whirlwind. Trying to keep my head straight, my sanity and my physical well being has been quite the challenge. I am one of those major superstitious freaks that reads into everything as a "sign". Turning 27 back in April all I could think about is, 'man, the luck I have had the past couple years couldnt get any worse. 27 is going to be a good year.' So would you call the pessimism or optimism? As much as I like to try and convince myself as being an Optimist, Im not. But its definitely something I have been working on. So, in my 27th year of life, I have encountered so many obstacles I never would have though would have occurred. I have fallen in and out of love and learned that you cant change someone, they have to want to change themself (touche!). I wasted so much of my time playing this game of cat and mouse I lost sight of what I really wanted out of a relationship and the insignificant things that really dont mean much.

I have seen loved ones hit rock bottom; something I used to be so ashamed to keep a secret. Seeing a family member lose control of their life and let a disease consume them might have been the harshest reality to face. I used to run away from all the issues, but still be the front end of the reprocussions of this downfall. The funny thing about all this is, trying to keep this a secret from the friends and loved ones around you is virtually impossible. They know, so why hide it... its okay to admit fault, even if its not yours. I have experienced the pressures of dropping everything in my life to help others. I put my life dreams on hold to get my mom the help she needed and to get her life back in line. I have experienced a family literally crumbling at the seams. The effects a disease has over an entire family runs full circle, not just the people who witness it first hand.

So my superstitions stand... In the back of my mind, I had this feeling if I had a negative thought about my 27th year, then I will have all these crazy things happen to me.

This year has been such a learning experience. I realized that sweating the small stuff and dwelling on all the negative things in my life are just, well, a waste of time. Running has been this outlet; its allowed me to really contemplate what has occurred, how I should handle the situation, what I will do to persevere, and... well get out all that aggression. So during several of my mindless runs this summer, I realized I need to stop worrying about others. Things will happen that are going to be beyond my control. If they affect me, then dont look it as some negative issue; look at it as a test. If I can persevere and work beyond it, then its a lesson not some horrible problem. Pounding the pavement paved way to a new perspective; work toward what you want. Why let others bring you down? what is it going to do for you? Nothing! Why let someone elses negativity or problem interfere with your goals? So, instead of waiting until New Years and setting some New Years resolution, I set 'New Day resolutions'. Every day, I wake up and set a goal for the day. Whether its something like, smiling at a complete stranger, or not over indulging in sweets or sending thank you cards and emails to those who have donated to my charity, or an even bigger goal like trying to figure out where I want to be 5 years from now, but I set something. It puts things in perspective on a personal level. How do you move ahead if you cant make yourself happy first? Perseverance is my motto... without a little, you cant grow. So, in retrospect, 27 has been a pretty fab year!

Muddle it over, tell me what you think...